Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Exxon Blames Lack of Hurricanes For Astronomical Gas Prices!

For immediate release...

Exxon Mobile Corp will be holding a press conference later today to explain how this summer's lack of hurricanes is to blame for the current record-high gasoline prices. Last year, Exxon Mobil and other big oil companies frequently blamed hurricanes as one of the major causes for the huge increase in gasoline prices.

"This year the converse is true," an Exxon Mobil spokesman said, "I know it doesn't make any sense but what are you gonna do? It's simple supply and demand."

Exxon's second quarter profits were $10.36 billion, the second largest in history.

6 comments:

Boutros Boutros-Basler said...

This story lacks sufficient detail even by Dolf Zone standards!!! On what *basis* did the oilmen say the lack of hurricanes was the cause?

Wrecking Machine said...

Hey, update on the kid who goes ape shit crazy when getting an N64 for Christmas.

He's selling it:

ON EBAY

Rebecca Romijn-Basler said...

http://money.cnn.com/2006/08/07/news/international/oil_alaska/index.htm?cnn=yes

check this out, dolf! now the oil companies are intentionally rusting out their pipelines to charge us downtrodden regular americans more for the gas we so richly deserve!

Dolf said...

Mrs. Basler, I could easily argue that the oil companies are not reinvesting their insane profits back into their infrastructure. I believe BP is in the midst of a criminal investigation because of this issue. They certainly aren't using their money to build new refineries... TheD

Dolf said...

Boutros, you are an idiot! This is obviously a classic Dolf Zone fake news story ala The Daily Show or The Onion! Can't you tell when I am being clever? Idiot! --TheD

Dolf said...

WM.

As of 8/9/2006, the bid is at $1,051! There are only 34 minutes left in the auction so bid now!