Another South Park Classic / Whale Whores

I laughed so hard I nearly cried... Amazingly, after 13 seasons, Trey and Matt can still bring the funny. Last night's episode "Whale Whores" is another instant classic. This time South Park takes on an entire country! "Well Stan... the Japanese just don't really like Dolphins very much. Certainly not as much as us normal people do."

Here are two great clips... The uninitiated might think that South Park is promoting violence against animals but that's not the case. Trey Parker and Matt Stone have proven themselves to be very astute social, political, and religious commentators. After all, they have won both a Peabody and more importantly a Dolf Zone Excellence in Television award. You can watch the entire episode online at or catch it on Comedy Central this week. South Park airs on Wednesdays at 10:00pm.

Simon Reloaded

One word for all y'all... Thirteen! Beat it... No cheating. No writing down! All from memory. Many of you participated last time, but I have since learned that not all scores were legitimately earned. Post your best score.

HD PLEASE!

Actually this could be another segment of Grinding my Gears!

Once again a new Fall season of TV wonderment begins... And once again a slew of high profile shows remain in low tech, standard definition (SD)... Blech!

Two of my favorite shows (The Amazing Race and Family Guy) both began new seasons last night and both returned in miserable, bars-on-the-side, non-HD. I can't think of a show that would look better in HD than Amazing Race with all of its gorgeous globe-spanning locations. And what show has made more money in the last decade than Family Guy? You would think that Fox and MacFarlane would finally splurge for the HD treatment.

It's almost impossible to walk into Wal-Mart or Best Buy and buy a non-HD TV. So it's time for the networks to step up and start giving us our money's worth.

Grinding my Gears...

A nice little technology-themed story that is represents what is WRONG with EVERYTHING - government, insurance, health care, business, intelligence, common sense... everything!

Read, go forth, and be angry...

Kara Lynn has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or A.L.S., which has attacked the muscles around her mouth and throat, removing her ability to speak. A couple of years ago, she spent more than $8,000 to buy a computer, approved by Medicare, that turns typed words into speech that her family, friends and doctors can hear...

Medicare and private health insurers decline to cover cheap devices like iPhones and netbook PCs that can help the speech-impaired, despite their usefulness and lower cost...

Instead, public and private insurers insist that, if Ms. Lynn and others like her want insurance to pay, they must spend 10 to 20 times as much for dedicated, proprietary devices that can do far less... Read Full Article at New York Times

FiOptics Baby!

What do we want? A real competitor to Time Warner Cable! When do we want it? Now!

If Cincinnati Bell can roll it its new FiOptics service to most of Greater Cincinnati, Time Warner Cable is in trouble... Besides offering far greater download speeds of up to 30 MBPS, FiOptics also means legitimate non-satellite-based TV competition for Time Warner.

The party (and the monopoly) for Time Warner Cable will soon be over. They will actually have to compete for our business. I can't wait... Competition (not greed) is good.

If FiOptics is smart enough not to adopt Time Warner's moronic practice of unnecessarily copy protecting channels (CCI Byte) when the respective network does not require it, FiOptics will immediately get a swarm of Tivo users who want the full functionality of their boxes back.

It's Sand...

This is very cool... I haven't seen anything quite like it. If Microsoft is smart they will lock her down as the official Microsoft Surface spokesperson. I can already envision the commercials...

Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who just won the "Ukraine's Got Talent" competition. She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination and "sand painting" skills to interpret the invasion and occupation of her country from 1941-1945.

Thanks to LLG for the link...

Dolf Zone Micro Burst / Get the iTunes/iPhone Updates!

Although iTunes 9 takes FOREVER to install go ahead and get it along with the iPhone / iPod Touch 3.1 firmware update.

There are several enhancements but my favorite is the new drag-and-drop Application screen manager. This is far better than trying to arrange your apps directly via your iPhone. Check out this screen shot.

Dolf Zone Pick / Louis C.K.

Louis C.K. is one of my favorite comedians. If you ever get a chance to see him in person or watch one of his specials on HBO or Comedy Central do yourself a favor and go for it!

Check out C.K.'s famous bit on technology from his appearance on Conan. As a tech enthusiast, I found it particularly funny. It's going to space!

Dolf Zone Micro Burst / The People of Wal-Mart

My new favorite web site! It's getting slammed at the moment so you might want to check it out later in the day.

I guarantee at least one good laugh! Check it out at : www.peopleofwalmart.com

Thanks to cub reporter David L for the link...

More iPhone Goodness

I have been evangelizing the iPhone ever since I got my first one (a 32BG 3GS) back in July. It's simply an amazing piece of technology.

Besides the core functionality, one of the best things about the iPhone is the seemingly unlimited number of applications that extend the phone's capabilities. What they say in the commercials is true, if you can dream it, "There's an app for that."

Apple is starting a new campaign for the 2009 Fall TV season to highlight some new amazing applications. Several of these are simply unbelievable. I can't wait to get my hands on them! Check it out, check it outers!

Dolf Zone Pick / The No-Junk Business iPhone Apps Finder

A useful page from InfoWorld for keeping track of useful business-related iPhone apps. Check it out at http://www.infoworld.com/iphone-apps

There are thousands of apps for the iPhone and iPod Touch -- but finding the ones you want is very difficult within Apple's iTunes Store, especially for business users, since all business apps are lumped together into one massive category. To help people find business-oriented iPhone apps more easily, InfoWorld has categorized them and put them into the sortable table.

The Dolf Zone's Quick Tech Picks

A new feature on The Dolf Zone... Quick Picks! Right now I am loving the following products and services:

Xobni / If you live in Outlook then you will love this search and analytics tool. The email address "auto suggest" feature is light years ahead of Outlook's and is worth the download alone!

Shutterfly's Custom Websites are awesome. A great way to share photos and videos. Most photo sites charge a premium for this. Not Shutterfly.

Xmarks is invaluable if you use multiple computers and want to keep your bookmarks and passwords in sync!

YouSendIt allows you to send out all of those gigantic PowerPoint presentations that are too big to email. The free version of this service allows you to send files up to 100MB.

More tech picks next week!

Auto-Tune The News...

If you love to hate Auto-Tune and enjoy some good political humor then this is for you... Several good laughs here. Personally, I might have made it a little bit shorter but all in all it's funny stuff!

Stupid Video Friday

This is what Stupid Video Friday is all about! Boo!!!!!!!!!!!



Thanks to DZ junior correspondent Master T for the link...

Another Two Bite The Dust...

[10/01/2009] Update - My faith in #Toyota has been restored! Back in my good graces and back on the Dolf Zone's recommended list. Thanks to @Toyota and Leona! The power of good customer service and standing behind your product can never be underestimated! [/ 10/01/2009]

Breaking News...

Effective immediately both Toyota (Automobiles) and HP (Printers) are removed from the highly respected "Dolf's Top Brands" list.

They join Dell Computer as once proud brands that used to be synonymous with quality, reliability and good customer service. Unfortunately today, that couldn't be further from the truth.

HP printers used to last for years! Today you are lucky if they last 12 months.

After 3 years the power locks in my supposedly ultra-reliable Camry XLE go bad??? The primary reason that I bought a Toyota was to *avoid* these nagging failures. I have owned THREE Toyota's in a row. I have evangelized Toyota. No more... I will do everything I can to deter people from buying the brand. I will be the ultimate anti-Toyota-evangelist.

I plan on detailing both issues in great detail here on the Dolf Zone, on Twitter, and via YouTube.

Cincinnati Apple Store on a Thursday Morning

Last Thursday (July 9th) I ventured over to Kenwood Towne Centre to return an item to Foot Locker. As I made my way through the nearly empty mall I thought I would stop by the Apple Store to see if I could find a cool new accessory for my new iPhone 3GS.

When I walked into the store this is what I saw... Unbelievable! I would bet my life that there were more people in the Apple Store than in the entire rest of the mall.

The lesson? Build great stuff and they will come! If you combine innovation with reliability, you can't go wrong. More companies should pay heed to this simple lesson.

On a related note, maybe Apple should consider taking over the infamously troubled Kenwood Towne Place project and turning it into the world's largest Apple Store? I am getting really tired at looking at this unfinished monstrosity and the giant crane that hasn't moved an inch for about a year now! C'mon!

This is the view from my office. Actually, the crane and I have become good friends.

Dolf Zone Pick / GOOG-411

I am surprised by how many people don't know about this... GOOG-411 is another fine (and free) product from Google. Basically it is a completely free "411" information service for your mobile phone. Just dial 1-800-GOOG-411 (1-800-466-4411) and go!

Now you can find businesses for free from any phone – no internet access required, and with no 411 charges. Just call GOOG-411 and say where you are and what you're looking for.

Features

Call your favorite local business. Dial 1-800-GOOG-411 (1-800-466-4411), then name the business you’re looking for and where it’s located. GOOG-411 will find it and connect you to it for free.

Local business information through SMS. Say “text message” after you hear the exact location of the business you’re looking for, and GOOG-411 will send you a text message with the business’s address and phone number.

No more 411 charges. GOOG-411 is a free service – even the call connecting you to the business you're looking for is free. (Carrier charges for the use of your mobile device may apply.)

And while you are at it, check out www.igoogle.com with your mobile browser and get an optimized version of iGoogle for your phone.

Max's Dive

Max asked to dive off the diving board for the very first time during the 4th of July Party. I thought he would do a meek little hand-over-head tumble but instead he did a perfect racing dive. I couldn't believe it. I grabbed my iPhone and had him do it again. So this is actually his second dive ever from a diving board.

Fifteen Majors in Three and a Half Minutes

Mmmm... New iPhone

The latest iPhone looks good enough to eat. There are so many cool new features it seems destined to completely conquer the home and enterprise markets in another year or two. This is not too hard to imagine when you consider the terrible phones competitors like Verizon are putting up against it. My current Verizon-provided Samsung i760 has already been replaced once for failing to sync. And now the replacement model's "End Call" button doesn't work. Nice... On the other hand, iPhones are now being used by the United States military because of its superior features and reliability.

As for the Windows Mobile 6.1 platform... It looks and feels like it is 10 years behind the iPhone OS. The mobile version of Internet Explorer is almost useless. I am getting by with the Opera 9.5 Beta which provides a good (not great) mobile browsing experience.

Hopefully the latest versions of the iPhone and the 3.0 update will light a fire under the rest of the industry to come up with better software and hardware.

Possible Tennis History To Be Made Today!

As I type this post, Roger Federer is attempting to make tennis history by finally winning the French Open. With perpetual roadblock Rafael Nadal knocked out early (coincedentally by Federer's opponent today, Robin Soderling) this is Federer's best (and possibly last) chance to take the French Open.

With a victory today Federer would tie Pete Sampras's record of 14 majors. However, none of Sampras's majors include the elusive French Open. So with one fell swoop of his racket, Federer can tie Sampras and lay claim to the coveted "Greatest of all Time" designation.

The match is going on right now on NBC! Check it out!

Super Mario Bros for Wii at E3

If you are old like me... You probably have fond memories of the SNES version of Super Mario Bros. The new Wii version looks great while still retaining the look and feel of the original classic. Check it out.

Video Games | New Super Mario Bros. Wii | E3 09: Debut Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

Run, Don't Walk To Vista & Office SP2!

If you are a fan of the Dolf Zone (and why wouldn't you be?) you know I have been complaining about Vista and Office 2007 for months!

One of my main agitations is the interminable wait for Outlook 2007 to launch, connect to my Exchange server, and load my messages. Sometimes it took 7 or 8 minutes! This kind of dreadul performance was completely unacceptable to me. I actually stopped turning off my computer at night because I didn't want to sit through this agonizing process every day...

However it finally appears as though this nagging problem has been resolved! I downloaded SP2 for both Vista and Office 2007 and now I can launch Outlook, connect to Exchange, and access my email in under one minute! Thank you Jesus! I am just praying SP2 doesn't break anything. So far, so good...

SP2 for Office automatically showed up in my automatic updates. However, I had to manually download SP2 for Vista. Below are direct links for both...

Download SP2 for Office 2007 | Download SP2 for Vista

Natal at E3

Man... One day, two posts about Microsoft... And both are POSITIVE!

Check out the Natal demo for XBox 360 shown at this week's big E3 conference. This looks like some amazing stuff. Microsoft appears to be throwing everything but the kitchen sink into the 360. Videoconferencing, 1080p HD downloads, and a whole lot more. Very cool indeed...

Badda Bing!

Microsoft is ready to take on Google once again with a new and improved search engine called Bing. I checked it out and it looks pretty cool. Sleek UI and some high tech niceties (check out the video and image search in particular).

But all of the gloss in the world won't help if the results aren't good. My initial test queries seemed to deliver very good results. I'll post more on this later as I put Bing through some real world use.

I think there is a real chance for Microsoft (or someone else) to take some market share away from Google. I have been getting increasingly agitated by Google's rotten results of late. It seems the spammers are outwitting the algorithm more often that not.

Test Bing out and let me know what you think...

Modern Warfare 2 Trailer

Two of my favorite games of all time are "Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare" and "Call of Duty 5: World At War". On November 10th, 2009 "Call of Duty 6: Modern Warfare 2" will be released and it promises to be one of the best shooters ever. Check out the new trailer! Modern Warfare 2 Worldwide Reveal Trailer (Official HD) /

Official uncut and extended Modern Warfare 2 Worldwide Reveal Trailer. Acclaimed developer Infinity Ward brings you Modern Warfare 2, the sequel to the best-selling shooter of all-time, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. Watch in HD!

If you are obsessed with the latest COD 6 developments, check out cod6.org

The Complete Dolf Album Consolidated

Here are all twenty three tracks from the Dolf Album in one convenient location. The links go directly to the MP3 files. I will put out an ISO or a ZIP file of the collection sometime in the future.

1. Share Your Needle
2. Like A Mother
3. The Last Time I Go To Sleep
4. Always Nothing
5. When I Think About You
6. I've Got A Problem
7. Everyone & Everything
8. High School Girl
9. Happy Day
10. I Don't Love You
11. Loving Abuser
12. Moving Backwards
13. World Still Spins
14. Passed Out Again
15. Never See You Again
16. Ring
17. You Say You Love Me
18. I Don't Care
19. That's Life
20. Like A Memory
21. Twisted
22. Queen Sized Beauty
23. I Wonder Why

The Dolf Album / Track 23 / I Wonder Why

"I Wonder Why" is the FINAL track from The Dolf Album. Several people have told me that this is their favorite song of mine. It's certainly one of my more ambitious, complicated pieces when compared to my usual short & catchy tunes. This was written circa 1995 after seeing some great local bands in Utah. They were doing more complicated and intricate things than I was used to seeing and it inspired me to do the same.

Some trivia on this one...

* Clocking in at 4:26, this is my longest song.
* One of the songs in which I use a capo.
* I submitted "I Wonder Why" to the American Idol songwriting contest last year. In my own completely unbiased opinion it is better than any "Winner's Single" on any season of the show. Not that that is saying much... ;)

Download "I Wonder Why" (Mp3 format with embedded album art and lyrics)

“I Wonder Why”
Words and Music by Dolf Muccillo
Copyright 2009

You weren’t the first
You weren’t the last
You’re just the one
I can’t get past
I wonder why

Why you are so different
And why I can’t forget
Why no one seems to measure up
To this angel that god sent
I wonder why

*And I wonder where you are
And I wonder where you’ve been
And I wonder if I’ll ever see you again

And I wonder who you’re with
And I wonder who you’ve done
And I wonder why you are the only one
I wonder why

It’s been so long, since I’ve last seen you
I’ve pissed away a year
Since we’ve been through
I wonder why

Why we had to end it
I’m not able to transcend it
If I had blood left I’d send it
Ah will we ever mend it?
I wonder why

*And I wonder where you are
And I wonder where you’ve been
And I wonder if I’ll ever see you again

And I wonder who you’re with
And I wonder who you’ve done
And I wonder why you are the only one
I wonder why

…it’s been so long

The Biggest Loser / Final Figures

For all of you Biggest Loser fans out there... Here are all of the final weight loss percentages. I'll have to admit that I was not expecting Helen to win.

1. Helen: 257-117=140 (54.47%)

2. Mike: 388-181=207 (53.35%)

3. Tara: 294-139=155 (52.72%)

4. Jerry: 369-192=177 (47.97%)

5. Kristin: 360-193=167 (46.39%)

6. Nicole: 269-146=123 (45.72%)

7. Ron: 430-238=192 (44.65%)

8. Sione: 372-226=146 (39.25%)

9. Dane: 412-258=154 (37.38%)

10. Filipe: 364-229=135 (37.09%)

11. Damien: 381-245=136 (35.70%)

12. Daniel: 454-293=161 (35.46%)

13. Mandi: 263-171=92 (34.98%)

14. Estella: 242-159=83 (34.30%)

15. Carla: 379-251=128 (33.77%)

16. Shanon: 283-191=92 (32.51%)

17. Cathy: 293-198=95 (32.42%)

18. Blaine: 365-249=116 (31.78%)

19. Laura: 285-199=86 (30.18%)

20. Joelle: 309-229=80 (25.89%)

21. Aubrey: 249-194=55 (22.09%)

22. David: 393-350=43 (10.94%)

The Dolf Album / Track 20 / Like A Memory

A nice little gloom and doom number... No doubt inspired by listening to thousands of hours of The Smiths, The Cure, and other mope rock favorites! "Like a Memory" is track 20 off of The Dolf Album. Favorite line: "Will she shed a tear when that line goes so straight? / Or is there no one there except those in white getting paid to wait..."

Download "Like a Memory" (Mp3 format with embedded album art and lyrics)

"Like a Memory"
Words and Music by Dolf Muccillo
Copyright 2009


When the clock reaches my final hour
Will I be happy, sad, content, bitter or sour?
Will I look with joy at all the things I’ve done?
Or will I lay my head in my hands and let the time run

*It already seems like a memory
It already seems just like a memory
I’m so out of tune can’t make a harmony
It already seems like a memory

And when the clock reaches my final minute
Will there be someone in my life or no one in it?
Will she shed a tear when that line goes so straight?
Or is there no one there except those in white,
Getting paid to wait?

* chorus

Just watching time drift by
Just watching time drip by
Just watching time slip by
Just watching you go by

The Dolf Album / Track 19 / That's Life

This little song fragment was written in 1995... OJ was in the news constantly... For some reason there were a million stories that month about Crack addiction... And I had made a trip to the DMV and saw an interesting (and very miserable) dude waiting in line... Add it all up and you get "That's Life", track 19 from The Dolf Album. A trademark Dolf dark humor song... Definitely needs to be re-recorded and polished up a bit... But I've always liked this one. Favorite line: "Three rotten kids and one's suckin' on the pipe / That's Life / This is your life"

Download "That's Life" (Mp3 format with embedded album art and lyrics)

“That’s Life”
Words and Music by Dolf Muccillo
Copyright 2009

There’s dirt on your clothes, big fat wife
Three rotten kids, one’s suckin’ on the pipe

*That’s life, this is your life
You could solve all your problems now
If you only had a butcher knife

She spends all your money, you can’t afford a car
If you hadn’t met her you could have gone so far

*chorus

The things you could have been,
The things you could have done
All the dreams you had and now they’re gone

*chorus

Unemployed, Dead, or Both!

2009... The year that we all might end up unemployed, dead, or if we are lucky, both!

As you contemplate your remaining time on this planet, please enjoy one of my favorite comedy bits of all time - "The Audition" from the brilliant Mr. Show with Bob & David. I have seen this routine probably 100 times and it kills me every time! [You might recognize David Cross from his Tobias Funke character (the Blue Man, The Analrapist) on Arrested Development.]

You can get the entire series on DVD. I highly recommend it! Buy Mr. Show: The Complete Collection at Amazon.




P.S. Rated R for language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dolf Album / Track 18 / I Don't Care

In honor of Earth Day... My homage to apathy... "I Don't Care" is track 18 from The Dolf Album. This song has a few lines that I think are pretty good. My favorite being "People are dying every day / When I change the channel, they go away" Is the song about a drunk living in a trailer, pounding beers and watching TV? Or is it about you and me!?!?! No one will ever know! ;)

Download "I Don't Care" (Mp3 format with embedded album art and lyrics)

"I Don’t Care"
Words and Music by Dolf Muccillo
Copyright 2009

Sittin’ here wasted, and I don’t care
I've got my TV, and I got my chair
People are dying every day
When I change the channel, they go away

*I don’t care, I just don’t care

There’s filth in the river, but I don’t care
I’ve got my Bud Light, eight more to spare
Holes in the sky bigger everyday
When I change the channel, it’s ok

*chorus

Ain’t got a woman, but I don’t care
I’ve got 96 channels, all day I stare
Don’t need an angel from heaven above
When I find the right channel,
I’ll get some love (you know what I mean)

*chorus

Feel free, feel free, feel free to hate me

…cause I don’t care

Ubuntu Curious?

If you have toyed with the idea of installing Ubuntu (or one of its variants) there is now an unbelievably easy way to do so.

Just download and install Wubi and in a matter of a few minutes and a couple of clicks, you will have an Ubuntu/Windows dual-boot system. 100% free! You will be amazed at everything that is included: an office suite, an email client, FireFox, disc burning, games, an image editor, and much more.

Besides costing absolutely nothing, Ubuntu (and variants like Xubuntu) are very fast and will run exceptionally well on older and underpowered computers.

Check it out! Download the Wubi installer today!

Transformers 2 Trailer

One of the unexpected treats of fatherhood is being introduced to all of the media creations that I would have otherwise ignored. In my case they are SpongeBob and the Transformers. I now have a far above average understanding of both worlds. In fact, when I ran across the trailer for the upcoming Transformers movie, I found myself scrambling to find the release date. This is one of the best sci-fi trailers I have seen in a long time. The special effects look amazing. This movie must have cost a fortune and I can't wait to see it!

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is set for June 24th. I have a feeling that Max and I will be there on opening weekend.

Watch the trailer now!

The Dolf Album / Track 17 / You Say You Love Me

"You Say You Love Me" is track 17 from The Dolf Album. A very catchy melody and only slightly offensive lyrics.

Download "You Say You Love Me" (Mp3 format with embedded album art and lyrics)

"You Say You Love Me"
Words and Music by Dolf Muccillo
Copyright 2009

*You say you love me and I believe you.
You say forever and I believe it’s true.

Until some tattooed, long haired motorcycle riding asshole rides you away.

* chorus

Until some guy with boats and planes and cocaine highs buys your love away.

* chorus

Until some brain-dead, muscle-bound, big-d#cked clown pumps your love away.

* chorus